Organizing with Hellen

I have a special treat for you today – I’ve invited Jody Al-Saigh of Picture Perfect Organizing to share some of her best tips and resources for organizing your precious photos.

You don’t need an advanced degree in photography or design to keep your photos organized and displayed beautifully. Organizing photos is similar to many other types of organizing you would do around your home. Here are some quick lessons in organizing your memories!

Why do you want to organize your photos?

Think about all the reasons you want to organize your photos. This will help you set your goals for the task at hand.

Some reasons that people might have for organizing photos:

To preserve precious memories. If photos or slides are stored incorrectly they can be damaged. Photos should never be stored in a basement or attic due to moisture and temperature fluctuation.
To share the photos with others. What is the point of taking all the photos of your kids, or your vacation, if they stay in a stack on a shelf or never even leave the memory card from your digital camera?
Free up the space where the photos are currently being stored. If you do print your photos, they can pile up fast unless you deal with them regularly. Just like any clutter in your home such as paper, mail, clothing, or toys – photos can take up valuable space.

How to get started?

Gather and sort! You won’t know what you have if your photos are scattered all over your home. Collect photos from every place they are stored and get them into one spot. A good area to work should have a large flat surface such as a dining room table or a bed in a guest room.

Sorting can be done in different ways:

Chronological. Sort by year or month. Start with the most recent photos and work backward.
Theme. Group like items together and toss the duplicates. People tend to have multiple copies and then never use them.  Sort into categories such as vacations, weddings and other life cycle events, or by a family member.

Did you find some old photos in your collection? Are there prints that are damaged?

You’ll need some restoration. Services like Photo Rescuer can help. These services can scan in your photos and fix tears, perform color correction, even remove items or change a backdrop.

Do you have old slides or a large collection of photos that are going bad?

You might be better served to scan them all. Then you can enjoy them digitally. Send them to a service like Scan My Photos. If you are nervous about boxing up your heirloom photos, check for local vendors that perform photo and video services.

Is everything in your collection digital?

Digital photography is here to stay. But if all of your photos live on your camera memory card, they are not serving you well.  Take the time to set up file folders on the computer and be sure to have a double back-up system in place for your treasured family memories.

If you have digital photos, but still want prints or albums, there are many online photo sites that are easy to use. You can upload your pictures with a few clicks and even make beautiful printed books or other gifts like mugs and tote bags. Two popular sites are Kodak Gallery and Shutterfly.

Got stuff?

Sometimes the collection of memories includes more than just photos. Perhaps you have a program book or ticket stub from an event. Maybe some children’s artwork. Or a prized sports medal. These items also need to be displayed or stored. Sometimes these items can be displayed easily alongside a photo in a book or shadow box display. But if the item is large, 3-dimensional, or bulky, consider taking a photo of the item and discarding the actual piece.

Time to display!

Scrapbooking is a hot trend, but it is not for everyone. And, if you do a lot of scrapbooking, you will also have to organize all of the stickers, papers, and tools as well!!

If you do choose albums, always be sure to choose products that are archival and acid-free. Websites or catalogs such as Exposures, and Light Impressions are two great sources for acid free and archival albums, photo-safe marking pens, tapes, glues and more. Craft stores like Michael’s and even Target have also started to carry scrapbooking products to keep up with the trend.

If you choose to store your photos in boxes, those same vendors also have plenty of decorative or functional boxes for photos. The Container Store is one choice for photo boxes in acid-free plastic or archival shoeboxes in decorative colors. Another great box for organizing and sorting is the Creative Memories Power Sort Box. Look for a box that has dividers to help you sort your photos and label them into whatever categories you choose.

Keep it up!

Just like other organizing, keeping up with your photos is an ongoing task. Try to go through photos on a monthly basis. This includes downloading whatever is on your camera or sorting through prints when you get them developed. Labeling as you go will keep you from a lot of guesswork down the road. Have empty boxes or albums on-hand to continuously work on maintaining your precious memories.

About The Author

Jody Al-Saigh is a Professional Organizer and the founder of Picture Perfect Organizing in the suburbs of Washington D.C. Before becoming an organizer, Jody received a bachelors degree in photojournalism and worked for 10 years in graphic design and print production management. She is a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers and is a proud mother of two. Follow Jody’s organizational tips on Facebook or Twitter.

Do you dread doing laundry? Are the piles growing out of control? Putting it off won’t make it go away. Let’s face it – dirty laundry is a fact of life. But doing laundry becomes less of a chore when you have an efficient, pleasing room to do it in. If you want to create a laundry room that not only looks good but also works well, here are some tips to help.

Purge First

Before making any attempt to organize the laundry room, do a thorough purge of old, unused supplies. Toss out misshapen hangers, the box of hardened laundry detergent and all those socks without partners you’ve been saving in hopes of a reunion. Any items that don’t belong in a laundry room can be placed in a ‘move elsewhere’ box for now and distributed to the appropriate room later.

Creating Zones

Consider the various tasks that have to be done and create proper places for these activities. In addition to a washer, dryer and sink, you’ll need an area to sort, air-dry and iron. You’ll also need a convenient storage area for supplies.

Sorting Strategies

• Save time and trouble by keeping a hamper for dirty clothes in each bedroom. Lightweight hampers with handles can be carried to the laundry room easily. Vented hampers let clothes breathe to prevent mildew.

• Use a laundry sorter to divide dirty clothes into three basic groups: whites, darks/colours and delicates/hand washables. Invest in a durable sorter; one with canvas bags that hang from a metal frame will hold up well.

• To avoid the missing sock syndrome and make it easier to distribute clean socks to their rightful owners, give each family member a colour-coded mesh laundry bag for his or her dirty socks. Wash and dry the socks while they’re still in the bag. Then, deposit the bag of clean socks in each person’s laundry basket.

Drying Delicately

To air-dry delicate items, use a retractable clothes line, a folding drying rack, or a shower curtain tension rod hung over the washer and dryer.

Ironing With Ease

If you have a front-loading washer and dryer, install a countertop over the machines for folding clothes. If you want to use it as a handy ironing surface, build the countertop out of MDF, glue some foam on top and cover it with heat-resistant sailcloth. Alternatively, you can install a hinge-top table that hangs from the wall and folds out of the way when not in use; hang the ironing board and iron on an over-the-door hanger to save space.

Following these simple tips will wash away your laundry day blues, making the chore quicker, easier and more pleasant. Once you’ve created an attractive, functional space with easy access to all your supplies, you’ll spend less time doing laundry and more time enjoying life.

How long have you been using those tongs that give you carpel tunnel because they’ve never worked properly? How many times have you tripped over the rug by the front door because the edges don’t sit flat? Is the drip, drip, drip of the bathroom faucet keeping you up night after night? I don’t know about you, but I never seem to be completely free of those minor household irritations. I can only tolerate them for so long before I have to take action for my own sanity.

Putting up with tolerations over a long period of time can be incredibly draining. Eliminating them takes less time than you may think. In fact, we often spend more time and energy tolerating them than it would take to remove them. But first, we need a plan of action. Here’s what works for me and will likely help you as well.

First, make a list of what’s bugging you. Some of these things are on your mind and will come to you quickly. To get them all on paper, I suggest you walk around the house, room by room, so you will be reminded of what needs to be fixed or replaced.  Once you have a comprehensive list, you need to decide which items require hiring someone and which ones you can do yourself. For those you plan to tackle, schedule time in your calendar over the next week or two to spend working on a few of them. Consider it an appointment with yourself and honor it as you would any other appointment with a friend, business associate or other professional. You may want to schedule either an evening, part of the weekend, or a full day depending on which works best for your energy level and ability to focus. For the items that require outside help, determine who you will hire. Ask friends for recommendations or do an online search and ask for references. Then, schedule time to make the phone call(s). Consolidating several small jobs in one day will be more cost effective than calling a handy-man for individual projects, so you need to be organized and armed with your list. As each little job is completed, cross it off your list and notice how you feel. If you are anything like me, you will feel lighter and have more energy and clarity. You may even notice you are more relaxed and able to truly enjoy your home and your family.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed when we’re faced with a long list to projects to complete. Break it down into manageable tasks and get the help you need. As you chip away at it, you will feel a greater sense of control and peace of mind.

So, what toleration will you eliminate this week?  Make a commitment by leaving your comment here and then write back to let us all know how it feels when you’ve crossed it off your list.

I’ve been spending more time than I care to at the chiropractor’s office lately. Turns out the nagging pain in my right shoulder is linked to the weight of my purse.  And it appears I’m not the only one; women carry a purse that can weight over 20 lbs or more according to Dr. Lisa K. Cannada, M.D., an orthopaedic trauma surgeon.  My problems started when I bought an over-sized purse which was all the rage at the time.  Without realizing it, I began to put more and more items in it because there was space.  Can you relate? For some women, it’s not just the weight of the purse that’s an issue, it’s the jumbled mess inside.  Have you ever dumped out the contents of your bag on the counter at the cash register because you couldn’t find what you needed quickly? How frustrating! And it’s not just women that are lugging around too many belongings; how many times have you seen men sitting lopsided on their bulging wallets? They even made a Seinfeld episode about it! If you are ready to put a stop to the madness and save your sanity and your body, try these tips to get your purse and/or wallet organized quickly and easily.

Top 5 Tips to Organize Your Purse

1.  Purge your purse. Pare down to essentials. Carry only what you need; you can always keep non-essentials in your car or in your desk at work.

2.  Lighten the load by carrying a smaller purse. Choose a wider purse over a deep one to avoid archaeological digs.  Look for one that has pockets for your cell phone, your glasses, etc.

3.  Break items down into categories like grooming (lip balm, comb, powder), health (aspirin, antacid, tissues), and office (notepad, pen). Store each category in its own small, clear, zippered bag which can quickly be transferred from purse to purse.

4.  Conserve space by carrying travel sizes of items like hand cream and aspirin.

5.  Maintain your system.  At least once a week, clean out your purse by emptying out scraps of paper, abandoned mints, and used tissues.  You can do this effortlessly while waiting for appointments or watching TV.

Post It Notes Purse Dispenser

Just for fun, here is a photo of my purse-shaped Post-it® Pop-up Note dispenser.  Mine was a gift but if you want one you can find it at office supply stores.

Top 5 Tips  to Organize Your Wallet

1.  Purge the excess.  Pare down to essentials.  Carry some cash, a debit card, a credit card, driver’s license, and perhaps a health card (often, just having the number is enough).

2.  Store it elsewhere.  Keep discount cards, coupons and gift cards in the glove compartment of your car instead of your wallet.  Keep seldom-used credit cards in a secure place at home.  Limit the amount of photos you carry; there’s no need to lug around every picture of your children/grandchildren you’ve had since they were born.

3.  Lighten the load by carrying a smaller wallet.  Once you edit out the excess, a smaller wallet will prevent the temptation to accumulate months’ worth of receipts and  scraps of paper.

4.  Be prepared. Photocopy  all of the cards you carry in your wallet and keep a copy at home in case your wallet is ever stolen.

5.  Maintain your system. At least once a week, clean out your wallet by emptying out scraps of paper, business cards and other odds and ends. You can do this effortlessly while waiting for appointments or watching TV.  Use a mini accordion file case, a basket or a box to organize and store receipts at home.

I couldn’t be more thrilled to be the recipient of the 2010 Los Angeles Organizing Award for Best Organizing Book. Neat also won two awards. The awards were held Jan. 31st at Raleigh Studios in Hollywood and it was a glamorous and exciting event, executed flawlessly by the NAPO-LA chapter.  Here is a list of the winners:

2010 Winners – In order of presentation (quick and dirty version):

Best Organizing Product Retailer
The Container Store

Best Organizing Book
Organizing Outside The Box by Hellen Buttigieg

Most Valuable Educational Resource
NAPO National Conference

Best Home Organizing Product
Glideouts by ShelfGenie®

Best Organizer as Coach or Mentor
Elizabeth Hagen
ElizabethHagen.com

Most Supportive or Organizer-Friendly Charity
National Council of Jewish Women, Los Angeles Section

Best Office Organizing Product
Pendaflex, SureHook Hanging File Folder

Best Garage Design Firm
OrganizIT!

Volunteer of the Year – NAPO-Los Angeles Chapter
Linda Levine-Quackenbush
Organize 4 Life

The Green Award for Most Eco-Friendly Organizing Product
Pink Grapefruit All-Purpose Cleaner
By method

The Avery Dennison Special Recognition Award
Hoarders – A&E

Best Organizing Blog or Website
Simplify 101
Aby and Jay Garvey

Best National Makeover Reality Television Program
neat – HGTV Canada, Discovery Home Channel

Best Closet Design Firm
California Closets

Most Innovative Organizer
Dorothy Breininger
Delphi Center for Organization

Best Publication Featuring Organizational Information
Real Simple Magazine

The Green Award for Most Eco-Friendly Organizing Service
Sara Getzkin
Hands On! Organizing Services

Best Show Incorporating Organizing on National Television
neat – HGTV Canada, Discovery Home Channel

Most Helpful Organizing Technology
iPhone by Apple

Best Time Management Expert
Julie Morgenstern
Julie Morgenstern Enterprises

The Philanthropy Award
Leslie Haber, An Organized Life

Raising the Bar Award – NAPO-Los Angeles Chapter
Leslie Haber, Director of Professional Development

Leading Edge Award – NAPO-Los Angeles Chapter
Robin L. Davi, Simply Arranged

Thank you to everyone who voted for my book and for the show – I could not have done it without your support.  To express my appreciation,  I will be providing free telephone coaching on Feb. 10^th from 10 am  to 4 pm (EST). You can call in with your burning question and I will answer it personally. In order to accommodate as many people as possible, I ask that you limit your call to 15 minutes. Call me at 905-829-2219 during the times listed above. (If your call is forwarded to voicemail, it means I am on the other line. Please do not leave a message as I cannot guarantee that calls will be returned; just try calling again later).

I was on Steven and Chris yesterday talking about the number one reason clients call me for help: paper clutter. The show airs this Monday, January 25th on CBC, but I thought I would share some of my tips with you in advance.

We are all inundated with paper, now more than ever. And it’s no wonder – we get more mail in a week than our grandparents got in a year. But there is an easy solution. The key to conquering your paper clutter once and for all is to use a system that fits your natural way of doing things.

You are either a filer or a piler. Filers prefer to keep their papers upright, while pilers like to stack them. Pilers tend to have messier offices but claim they know exactly where everything is within the piles. On the other hand, filers tend to have neater looking offices but seem to accumulate more paperwork and access it less frequently than pilers. One type is no better than the other. Even though pilers may look messier, it doesn’t mean they are less organized or less productive than filers.

If you want your organizing systems to work over the long term, it’s important to use the right organizing products for your filer/piler preference. Here’s what I suggest:

Piler:

What’s most effective for you are products that keep your papers sorted in categories yet still laying flat. Here are some examples:

-Stacking letter trays; label them: ‘in’, ‘out’ and ‘file’;  or use for bills to be paid or school forms to be filled out

-Shallow baskets or bins; label them with each child’s name and put school projects/artwork; label one ‘articles’ and tear the articles you want to read from magazines, store memorabilia (greeting cards/letters)

-Literature sorter (pictured below); for personal/household paperwork, one category per slot, label each slot: ‘receipts’, ‘warranties’, ‘insurance’, ‘medical’, ‘taxes’, etc.

Filer:

What’s most effective for you are products that allow you to keep your papers upright yet easily accessible. Here’s what I suggest:

-Desk top file box (pictured below) with hanging files and folders inside; label them: ‘bills to pay’, ‘bills paid’, ‘articles to read’, ’school’ (one for each child), ‘activities’ (extra curricular: hockey schedule/contact phone numbers, birthday party invitations)

-Accordion file folder (same categories as above)

-Step sorter or incline sorter (pictured below); put a file folder in each slot and label: ‘in’, ‘out’, and ‘f’ile’; use for bills to pay, school forms

-Rolling cart (pictured below) for personal/household paperwork: insurance papers, will, tax forms, medical, etc.

-Filing crates/bankers boxes (same categories as above)

-Wall files (pictured below); label: ‘in’, ‘out’, ‘file’; for paperwork you need to access regularly, stick to one category per wall file

Keep in mind that the papers you use regularly should be stored in convenient places, like the kitchen or other designated ‘communication central’ place. Keeping your papers sorted and easily accessible will provide peace of mind. Remember to label by category and be very specific (miscellaneous is not a category).

Whether you are a piler or a filer, having a system that fits your natural style will go a long way in helping you keep your papers organized and within easy reach. If you’ve tried any of these, let me know how they are working for you.

The radio host who interviewed me yesterday wanted to know why self-storage units seem to be popping up on every corner. I did some quick research and discovered that the off-site storage industry has experienced an 81% growth over the last decade. Is it hard to believe that it is a 22 billion dollar industry? Not really. People have a hard time getting rid of their stuff; now more than ever, we have a lot of stuff! And moving it out of our home seems to give us the freedom to buy new stuff. It’s a vicious and expensive cycle.

Don’t get me wrong – I think these facilities are a god-sent for people who need short-term or seasonal storage; for example, when relocating to another city for a short time or storing your winter tires when you live in a small apartment. But I don’t see the wisdom in storing items simply because we can’t bear to toss them. Many people who rent self-storage units in fact have a large home and want to declutter it quickly, so they move all the things they’ve accumulated into their ’second home’ because they “might need it some day”. But the problem is that out of sight is out of mind; besides, it’s usually easier to buy a replacement than drive to the facility and dig through the boxes to try to find what you need.

The average unheated unit rents for about $80 a month; over 2 years, that’s almost $2,000! The items are usually worth less than what we pay to store them in the long run. We are better off selling or giving away the items now (before they lose their value) than paying to store them indefinitely. And all those ‘just in case’ items – it would likely be less expensive to go out and replace them if (and when) you needed them. Eventually, most of those items will end up being tossed or going to charity anyway (if not by you, then by your grown children when they inherit it). Many items in storage have been inherited, so people keep them out of guilt or obligation. Would your deceased loved ones really want you to keep something that has become a burden or would they be happier to have you donate it to someone who will treasure it? I know you can’t put a price on sentimental items, but if they mean that much to you, why are they sitting in a storage space miles away from your home? Renting these units can become addictive; once the storage unit is full, many people just rent another one. No wonder this is a booming business!

As you can probably tell, I’m not a big fan of using off-site storage as a long-term solution for decluttering your home. If you are currently renting one for this purpose, I encourage you to do a major sort and purge. If you can’t wean yourself off this addiction, at least create an inventory of the contents so you won’t forget what you are paying so dearly to store.  If you are considering moving some of your things into a self-storage facility because you can’t let them go, I encourage you to invest in the services of a professional organizer who can coach you through the process instead. It will save you time and money in the long run.

It’s that time of year again – a fresh start and a new agenda to go along with it. I’ve been buying the same planner for years (Taylor Planner) and I believe it’s the single most important part of my time management success. One year, I tried using a PDA instead but I was missing deadlines, confusing appointments and feeling overwhelmed. After a three month trial, I ditched the PDA and went back to my trusted paper planner. For a calendar system to work, we need to use it consistently. Choose one that suits your learning style and using it will come naturally.

Your natural way of taking in information greatly affects which scheduling method will work best for you. Rather than trying to change yourself to adapt to your calendar system, select one that fits your learning and organizing style.

If you are a hands-on learner (kinesthetic), choose a planner with a texture that is a pleasure for you to touch. What feels best in your hands: leather, faux crocodile or cloth? The physical act of writing down appointments and tasks will help you remember them. Place a sticky note on the front on your planner and list on it the things you must do that day; cross items off as you complete them. Use stickers to highlight important activities/events. If you don’t require the portability of a planner book, another option is a wall calendar or a whiteboard (with the days of the week across the top and the tasks written underneath). Hang it across the room and wipe off each task as it is completed. The key to getting a good fit is to make your calendar interactive, which works for your hands-on preference. You may also choose to use an electronic calendar to keep track of your commitments, as this will keep your hands busy while giving you greater flexibility and freedom to change plans when you need to.

If you learn best by seeing (visual learner) paper agendas and large wall/desk calendars work well for you. Choose a planner that is aesthetically pleasing to you. You will be drawn to fashionable colors, inspiring motivation quotes and beautiful pictures/artwork. Use bright colored markers to highlight important events/activities on your calendar. Use sticky notes in various colors as reminders of important actions to take. A calendar with space for notes and to-do lists will allow you to see all of your commitments in one place, which will help you remember to check them more often. Alternatively, if you choose to use a computer calendar, you will likely want to print it out and use color settings (i.e. to differentiate between work and family commitments). Most importantly for visual learners, keep your calendar in a place where you will get a clear view of it throughout the day.

If you learn best by hearing/speaking (auditory learner), it would be beneficial to have your to-do list and schedule both in one place, and have it nearby at all times. This will help you remember to stop for an errand while already in that area. If you want to manage your schedule electronically, be sure to set alarms as reminders of important events/deadlines. You may want to set your computer so it opens and reads your to-do list each time your start it up at the beginning of the day. If you prefer to use a paper planner, choose one that accommodates your handwriting style; i.e. if you have large handwriting or like to make lots of lists, you’ll want to use one that provides ample space for that. Systems that provide weekly/monthly views will more helpful to you, allowing you to look ahead and plan for both the busy and quiet times ahead.

Keep in mind that we all use more than one learning style, but we have a preference for one in particular. If you don’t know your preferred learning style, there are many online questionnaires you can take to help you determine it, including the free quiz at http://www.organizingoutsidethebox.com. If you would like to learn more about finding organizing solutions to fit your learning style, have a look inside my new book Organizing Outside the Box: Conquer Clutter Using Your Natural Learning Style at http://weorganizeu.com/book.html.

This is the time of year that many of us make our New Year’s resolution. Sometimes, it’s the same one as last year, and the year before, and maybe even the year before that. Why are New Year’s resolutions so hard to keep? What can we do differently to make this the year we finally achieve our goals?

I’ve been coaching clients on how to turn their good intentions into commitments, and I’ve seen some dramatic results over the years. Below are some suggestions that seem to work well. Perhaps they can help you keep your New Year’s resolution.

Concentrate on just one or two goals for now, so you can stay focused rather than scatter your energy. You can do it all, but not all at once. When you achieve those goals, you can add new ones. With every achievement, you will increase your confidence, which will lead to more success.

Determine your most powerful reason for achieving each goal and get clear on how it will benefit your life. It is helpful to look at your top values and determine how your goal relates to them. When goals are closely tied to our most important values, we don’t need to rely on sheer willpower to achieve them because our inspiration comes from within.

Put your goals in writing and place them where you will see them every day, several times a day. Some people put them on their screen saver or desktop while others are content to have them on a sticky note on the bathroom mirror.

Take one small action everyday consistently to move in the direction of achieving your goals. Schedule it in your calendar. Breaking down a big goal into tiny tasks makes it feel less overwhelming and easier to tackle.

Recognize set-backs as just that. Ups and downs are a normal part of life. When you feel like you are taking one step forward and two steps back, just ‘dust yourself off and try again’ (as the song says). Beating yourself up is counterproductive (and we probably have enough people in our lives doing that for us anyway). Be kind to yourself; get re-inspired by reviewing the benefits of reaching your goals. Limit set-backs by planning for obstacles. For example, if your goal is to eat healthy, keep some almonds in the car for emergency hunger pangs.

Reflect on the positive changes you’ve made so far and celebrate those little successes. For example, think of all the times you took the stairs instead of the elevator or walked away from yet another pair of new shoes you didn’t need or couldn’t afford.

The key to commitment is accountability. Find a goal-buddy and support each other or consider hiring a coach. Share your intentions with family, friends and even your online community, including the readers of this blog! Not only will this increase your accountability, it may lead to beneficial resources and helpful suggestions. My goals this year are to move to a home within walking distance to the lake and to increase my speaking bookings by 50%.  Hope you’ll make this the year you turn your dreams into reality.

During the holiday season, your social calendar fills up quickly and life gets even more hectic than usual. Protect your time and practice self-care by eliminating one or two social activities you’d rather not attend. Don’t accept invitations out of guilt, obligation or habit; saying ‘no’ to those invitations will leave you with the energy and good spirits to enjoy the events you truly want to attend. This is especially important if you are not extroverted.

Extroverts feel energized when they attend parties and socialize with lots of people and are often bored by themselves. Introverts, on the other hand, can feel energetically drained in that type of situation, preferring to go to an intimate dinner party instead. Honor your natural preference whenever possible, especially during stressful periods. If you are an introvert and choose to attend a party, be sure to schedule some quiet ‘alone time’ before and after the event to recuperate and recharge. If you are an extrovert whose ‘significant other’ is an introvert, show your partner you understand and support his/her ‘orientation’ by not taking it personally if they pass on invitations or want to leave the party early.

I’m hosting a family event this Saturday night; as an introvert, I know that Sunday needs to be a quiet day for me, to rest and recharge. How about you? Are you introverted or extroverted and how does that affect your decisions and relationships?